Anxiety Isn’t Something You Have (It’s Something You Live With)

Even when you’re doing all the “right” things — therapy, medication, eating better, working on moving your body — anxiety can still hit like a tidal wave. One day you’re fine, the next day you’re spiralling over something small. (My most recent example? My nails. One itchy thumb and my brain went straight to worst-case scenario land 🙃).

The difference now isn’t that anxiety is gone. The difference is that I have better tools.

A Language Shift That Matters

I once heard someone say they don’t like to tell people they have anxiety, depression, or ADHD. Because “having it” sounds like something you can eventually get rid of, like a cold or a heavy bag you can set down.

But that’s not how mental health works.
Instead, I try to say:

• I live with anxiety.

• I experience depression.

• My brain is wired for ADHD.

This shift reframes it. It’s not a defect I’m failing to fix. It’s part of my life, and it requires tools, care, and compassion.

Tools That Actually Help Me

Here are some of the things I reach for when anxiety flares, even if I’ve “done all the right things”:

1. Language resets
   My go-to mantra: “My brain is tired. Not in danger.”
   Short, grounding, and a reminder that exhaustion or hormones or overstimulation can set off alarms — but it doesn’t mean I’m unsafe.

2. Body anchors

   • Pressing my hand flat on a table and noticing the texture.

   • Splashing cold water or holding an ice cube (my therapist’s trick for sensory overload).

   • One slow breath in through my nose, one longer breath out through my mouth.

3. Thought check-ins

   • “Is this fact or fear?”

     Breaking the spiral into a small, answerable question often helps.

4. External tools

   • Therapy (the big one).

   • Meds that give my brain a baseline of stability.

   • AI (yes, even this!) to talk me through spirals when I can’t do it alone.

5. Compassion over cure
   Instead of chasing a version of me that “doesn’t have anxiety,” I practice compassion for the version of me who’s learning to live with it.

The Takeaway

You don’t have anxiety like you have a cold. You live with it. It shows up, sometimes loudly, but it doesn’t erase who you are or what you can do.

And when it does show up, the win isn’t in pretending it’s gone. The win is in having tools ready: words, grounding, questions, supports, compassion.

If anxiety’s visiting you today:
✨ Try the mantra.
✨ Anchor into something solid.
✨ Ask one small grounding question.

Your brain may be tired. But you’re not broken.

Talk soon,
Tara
CEO of Chaos & Co.