Meeting People Where They Are (Without Losing Yourself)

The “let them” theory has been making the rounds online. It sounds simple, almost liberating: “If they want to treat you badly, let them. If they don’t prioritize you, let them.”

But the more I sit with it, the more it feels like a cop-out. It excuses poor behavior and asks nothing of the other person. It paints detachment as strength, when in reality, healthy relationships are built on honesty, accountability, and give-and-take.

When Expectations Don’t Match Reality

I’ve seen this play out in my own friendships. There was a time when a friend couldn’t meet me where I was, simply because of their circumstances. The tricky part? I also couldn’t give more, because of my own mental health struggles.

Ideally, an honest conversation would have cleared the air—acknowledging what each of us had to give and what we couldn’t. But that conversation never happened. Instead, resentment quietly grew in the spaces where clarity could have lived.

That’s a pattern I’m hoping to change.

Accountability Without Absolutes

Of course we want people to meet us right where we are. To have the same energy, the same resources, the same emotional bandwidth. But life doesn’t always line up that neatly.

• They don’t have the tools yet.

• They’re carrying their own unseen weight.

• Their reality simply doesn’t match ours.

And the same is true for us—we can’t always extend further, even with the best intentions.

So instead of passively “letting them” (and quietly stewing when they fall short), a healthier stance is:

• Check your expectations. Am I asking someone to meet me in a place they can’t reach right now?

• Clarify your priorities. Do I want fairness down to the dollar—or do I simply want connection?

• Communicate honestly. Silence breeds resentment; conversation builds understanding.

A Better Practice

Next time you feel let down, pause and ask:

1. Is this about values or circumstances? (There’s a big difference between someone who doesn’t care and someone who simply can’t.)

2. What’s the real need here? (Am I asking for presence, effort, empathy, or something else?)

3. Can I carry more of the weight this time—or is this a repeating pattern that needs a boundary?

✨ Takeaway: Don’t “let them.” Instead, meet them—wisely, compassionately, and with the courage to name what you both need.

Talk soon,
Tara
CEO of Chaos & Co.