My eldest is the kind of literal where you say, “Don’t worry about it,” and he immediately responds with:
“But I am worried.”
And… he’s right.
Because he is worried.
And telling someone not to feel what they’re already feeling? That’s not comforting — it’s confusing. It’s well-meaning emotional gaslighting. (Sorry, past me.)
He notices everything.
He tracks details like a tiny emotional auditor.
I can’t say “maybe later” unless I mean it.
I can’t casually say “it’s okay” when it’s clearly not.
I’ve had to get better at saying exactly what I mean — because he takes me seriously. And literally. And sometimes at 6:30am.
✨ Tiny Lesson: Say What You Mean
Kids with anxious, sensitive, or possibly neurospicy brains don’t do well with vague language or emotional shortcuts.
So here’s what I’m learning:
“Don’t worry” isn’t helpful if they already are.
“It’s fine” rings hollow when their whole body says otherwise.
“It’s not a big deal” clashes hard with their very big feelings.
I try to offer clearer language now:
“It’s okay to feel worried. Want help, or space?”
“We’ll talk about it again after lunch — I promise.”
“Your brain is saying ‘uh oh,’ but you are safe right now.”
It takes more effort.
But it also builds trust — and that feels worth it.
Talk soon,
Tara
CEO of Chaos & Co.