Seeing What's Already Here

This weekend I’ve been solo parenting, juggling bedtime chaos and getting far too invested in the K-pop demon hunter world. Somewhere between reheating leftovers and prying a dog toy out of the baby’s mouth, I thought about a friend who doesn’t have the kind of partner support I do.

And it hit me — not in a “wow, I’m so blessed” way, but in a “damn, I really don’t see it until I’m reminded someone else doesn’t have it” way. My husband isn’t perfect, but he shows up in ways that matter: he cooks (or skips) when I don’t have the capacity, cleans without being asked, does his own laundry, keeps us on time and on track, and actively plays with our boys. He actually likes spending time with us. And he does all of this without turning it into a performance about how hard he’s working. That’s not everyone’s reality, and I forget that.

Truth is, I take a lot for granted:

• That my fridge has food in it that I didn’t have to grow, slaughter, or barter for.

• That my kids are healthy enough to be loud and annoying.

• That my home is safe, warm, and (mostly) free of raccoons.

• That I have friends I can send unhinged 3am memes to and they’ll respond with equal chaos.

When I stop and look at it, I realize how much I only notice the good when it’s threatened, or when I see someone else living without it. We’re all primed to obsess over what’s missing, broken, or irritating. But the boring, functional stuff? The quiet stability? That fades into the wallpaper.

So maybe the trick is forcing the reminder before life throws you the wake-up call. My current list of gritty perspective checks:

• “Is this problem going to matter in five years, or even five days?”

• “Would 20-year-old me be thrilled to have this life, or at least this part of it?”

• “If I had to trade lives with someone else, would I really hand this over?”

• “If I woke up tomorrow and lost this thing, would I regret not appreciating it more today?”

Gratitude doesn’t have to be flowery. It can be blunt, uncomfortable, and even a little sarcastic. The point isn’t to romanticize what you have — it’s to remember it exists before you’re forced to.

So yeah, I’m still going to complain about bedtime, the laundry mountain, and my deep K-pop rabbit holes. But I’m also going to try to catch myself before I act like my life is all chaos and no stability — because it turns out, I’ve got more good than I notice. And I’d like to keep it that way.

And to my friend — you might not have the same kind of support waiting at home, but you’ve got me. I’ll keep showing up for you in whatever way I can, even if it’s just to sit in the mess with you and remind you you’re not in it alone.

What’s something in your life that’s so normal now, you’d only realize its value if it vanished tomorrow?

Talk soon,
Tara
CEO of Chaos & Co.