I know what I’m supposed to do.
Stay calm.
Get curious.
Connect before correcting.
And yet…
Most days, I’m in a full power struggle with a seven-year-old over leaving the house.
Every suggestion is a no.
Every transition is a fight.
Everything feels harder than it once was.
Here’s the thing I know (but keep forgetting in the moment):
This is a phase.
There’s a developmental shift that happens around 6–8 called adrenarche.
It’s basically the early stage of puberty, just without all the obvious stuff yet.
Their adrenal glands start producing hormones that affect mood, regulation, and behaviour.
So even though they still look like little kids…
Their brains are starting to rewire.
This means:
They push back more.
They question everything.
They want control, but don’t fully have the skills to manage it.
So it comes out as resistance.
It’s normal. And also so fucking annoying.
Because it doesn’t feel developmental when you’re in it.
It feels personal.
Like attitude.
Like defiance.
Like they’re choosing to make everything harder on purpose.
They know exactly which buttons to push.
So I’ve been trying something different.
I’ve started talking to him about what’s happening in his body.
Not in a lecture-y way. Just naming what it is.
“Hey, I think your brain is going through a bit of a shift right now.”
And then we landed on something that actually clicked:
Minecraft. (It’s always Minecraft)
I told him:
“You know when your server lags?
When everything gets glitchy and slow and nothing responds the way it should?”
“That’s kind of what your brain is doing some days.” “You’re brain server is lagging.”
And you could see it land.
Before he was only hearing that he was being difficult. Now he knows we aren’t judging him, but his servers ability to process the moment.
We’ve been calling it “lagging” ever since.
It doesn’t magically fix the behaviour.
He still resists.
I still get triggered.
There are still moments where I’m screaming, “why is this so hard??”
But it does shift something.
Because now:
He has language for what he’s feeling
I have context for what I’m dealing with
And it’s easier to stay on the same team even when it doesn’t feel like it.
Also, if I’m being honest?
It helps me not spiral into thinking I’m raising a spoiled brat.
Because he’s not trying to be difficult.
He’s seven. And his brain is changing.
Still annoying though.
Talk soon,
Tara
CEO of Chaos & Co.